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Index Page –› Art & Creative –› Writing & Editing

Offers They Can't Refuse: The Right Way to Write Offers

I ’ m n o t i n t h e a u t o b u s i n e s s , b u t I ’ m w i l l i n g t o b e t t h a t w h e n e n g i n e e r s p r o p o s e a n e w c a r m o d e l , t h e y d o n ’ t f a i l t o i n c l u d e a n e n g i n e i n t h e i r d e s i g n s . U n f o r t u n a t e l y , I c a n ’ t s a y t h e s a m e a b o u t m a n y B 2 B m a r k e t e r s a n d t h e i r d i r e c t m a r k e t i n g s t r a t e g i e s . I ’ v e s e e n t o o m a n y c r e a t i v e b r i e f s t h a t h a d a g r e a t c h a s s i s - - t e r r i f i c m e s s a g i n g h o o k s , k e e n i n s i g h t i n t o a u d i e n c e d e s i r e - - w i t h o u t t h e e n g i n e t o d r i v e i t : a n h o n e s t - t o - g o o d n e s s o f f e r , a d o - t h i s - t o - g e t - t h a t p r o m i s e . I n s t e a d , a l l t h a t h a r d w o r k i n v e s t e d i n d e v e l o p i n g t h e m e s , b r a n d d i s t i n c t i o n s , a n d u n i q u e s e l l i n g p r o p o s i t i o n s s i n k s w i t h i n t h i s f l a c c i d a n d a l l t o o c o m m o n c a l l t o a c t i o n : “ F o r m o r e i n f o r m a t i o n . . . ” Y o u m i g h t j u s t a s w e l l s a y , “ F o r a t e d i o u s s a l e s c a l l . . . ” B e c a u s e “ f o r m o r e i n f o r m a t i o n ” i s n ’ t a n o f f e r o f v a l u e , i t ’ s a t h r e a t o f w a s t e d t i m e . C o n s i d e r y o u r d i r e c t m a r k e t i n g t a s k , b e i t m a i l , e - m a i l o r e v e n y o u r w e b s i t e , s t a l l e d a t t h e g a t e . W h a t ’ s t h e a l t e r n a t i v e ? I n a B 2 B e n v i r o n m e n t , w h e r e t h e p r o d u c t s a n d s e r v i c e s a r e e x p e n s i v e a n d t h e p u r c h a s i n g p r o c e s s c o m p l e x , t h e c l a s s i c B 2 C p r o m i s e s o f d i s c o u n t s o r f r e e s h i p p i n g a r e u s u a l l y n o t a p p r o p r i a t e . A n d i f y o u ’ r e o n t h e m a r k e t i n g e n d o f y o u r b u s i n e s s , y o u m a y n o t h a v e t h e a b i l i t y t o e x e c u t e , o r t h e a u t h o r i t y t o r e q u e s t , a n o f f e r o f a f r e e s a m p l e , a d e m o m o d e l , o r a n i n - p e r s o n d e m o n s t r a t i o n . I n a d d i t i o n t o b e i n g c o m p e l l i n g t o y o u r a u d i e n c e , t h e r i g h t o f f e r h a s t o b e d o - a b l e - - s o m e t h i n g m a r k e t i n g p e o p l e c a n w h i p u p , e i t h e r o n t h e i r o w n o r w i t h m i n i m a l i n t e r n a l c o o p e r a t i o n . W h e n y o u ’ r e s t u c k w i t h o u t a t r a d i t i o n a l o f f e r , h e r e ’ s h o w y o u c a n m a k e m o u n t a i n s o u t o f m o l e h i l l s a n d t u r n t h e i n f o r m a t i o n y o u h a v e i n t o m a t e r i a l t h a t ’ s d e s i r e d : T e l l a s t o r y . F e w m e a n s o f c o m m u n i c a t i o n a r e a s p o w e r f u l a s s t o r i e s . I n f a m i l i e s , t h e y ’ r e a m o n g t h e f i r s t w a y s w e i n t r o d u c e c h i l d r e n t o t h e w o r l d ; w i t h i n s o c i e t i e s , t h e y ’ r e t h e d o m i n a n t m e a n s o f t r a n s m i t t i n g i m p o r t a n t i n f o r m a t i o n , i d e a s a n d v a l u e s f r o m o n e g e n e r a t i o n t o t h e n e x t . E v e n a s o u r w o r l d b e c o m e s i n c r e a s i n g l y s o p h i s t i c a t e d , s t o r i e s r e t a i n t h e i r p r i m a l p o w e r . F o r b u s i n e s s m a r k e t e r s , t h e s t o r y i s y o u r o p p o r t u n i t y t o b r i n g p a s s i o n t o y o u r p i t c h . W i t h t h e r i s k o f f a i l u r e - - a n d t h e p o s s i b i l i t y o f s u c c e s s - - d a n g l i n g b e f o r e t h e r e a d e r , s t o r i e s u s e d r a m a t o l u r e p r o s p e c t s e m o t i o n a l l y , d r a w i n g t h e m c l o s e r t o y o u r b u s i n e s s a n d , h o p e f u l l y , t o t h e s a l e . T h e c l a s s i c s t o r y - t e l l i n g v e h i c l e f o r b u s i n e s s e s i s t h e c a s e s t u d y , a b r i e f n a r r a t i v e t h a t e x p l o r e s w h a t y o u r b u s i n e s s , p r o d u c t o r s e r v i c e d i d f o r a c u s t o m e r . A g o o d c a s e s t u d y c u t s t h r o u g h t h e f o g o f a b s t r a c t i o n b y d e m o n s t r a t i n g y o u r e f f e c t i v e n e s s i n t h e r e a l w o r l d , a m o n g c i r c u m s t a n c e s r e a d e r s c a n r e c o g n i z e a s t h e i r o w n . T h e y ’ r e t y p i c a l l y o f f e r e d a s p a p e r s p r o s p e c t s m a y r e q u e s t ( v i a p h o n e , f a x , w e b , e t c . ) o r e l e c t r o n i c d o c u m e n t s t h e y c a n e i t h e r d o w n l o a d o r r e a d o n y o u r w e b s i t e . W h i l e t h e f o r m a t i s f l e x i b l e , a l l g o o d c a s e s t u d i e s s h o u l d i n c l u d e : 1 ) B a c k g r o u n d i n f o r m a t i o n t h a t e x p l a i n s w h o t h e c u s t o m e r i s a n d w h a t c h a l l e n g e o r p r o b l e m t h a t c u s t o m e r f a c e d ; 2 ) A c l e a r d e s c r i p t i o n o f t h e s t a k e s - - w h a t w o u l d b e l o s t t h r o u g h f a i l u r e a n d w h a t c o u l d b e a c h i e v e d b y s u c c e s s f u l l y r e s o l v i n g t h e p r o b l e m ; 3 ) H o w y o u r b u s i n e s s / p r o d u c t / s e r v i c e a n a l y z e d / s t r a t e g i z e d a n d u l t i m a t e l y r e s o l v e d t h e p r o b l e m ; 4 ) T h e h a p p y c o n s e q u e n c e s o f s u c c e s s , b e t h e y m o n e y s a v e d , p r o f i t s e a r n e d , g r e a t e r e f f i c i e n c y , o r w h a t h a v e y o u . R e c y c l e y o u r a n a l y s e s . W h e n y o u r s e r v i c e i s l a r g e l y a n a l y t i c a l ( a s i s o f t e n t r u e f o r a c c o u n t a n t s o r c o n s u l t a n t s , f o r e x a m p l e ) , y o u m a y b e a b l e t o r e p a c k a g e w o r k p e r f o r m e d f o r y o u r c l i e n t s a s w h i t e p a p e r s t h a t o f f e r s i n s i g h t s i n t o g e n e r a l i n d u s t r y t r e n d s . ( Y o u w o u l d , o f c o u r s e , m o d i f y t h e c o n t e n t t o r e m o v e p r o p r i e t a r y i n f o r m a t i o n a n d t o a d d m a t e r i a l t o g i v e i t g r e a t e r i n d u s t r y - w i d e r e l e v a n c e . ) W h i t e p a p e r s t e n d t o b e m u c h l o n g e r t h a n c a s e s t u d i e s . W h i l e t h e l a t t e r a r e o f t e n n o m o r e t h a n o n e o r t w o p a g e s l o n g , w h i t e p a p e r s a r e u s u a l l y e i g h t t o 2 0 p a g e s d e e p , s o m e t i m e s l o n g e r . T h e y t e n d t o o f f e r a b r o a d e r p e r s p e c t i v e c o v e r i n g a r a n g e o f s p e c i f i c i s s u e s , a n d o f t e n c o n c l u d e w i t h o p i n i o n s r e g a r d i n g f u t u r e d e v e l o p m e n t s . T h e i r v e r y h e f t w o r k s i n y o u r f a v o r : T h e y s u g g e s t d e e p i n d u s t r y k n o w l e d g e , s t r e n g t h e n i n g y o u r c r e d i b i l i t y , a n d t h e y o f t e n a t t r a c t a m o r e q u a l i f i e d p r o s p e c t - - o n e w i t h e n o u g h i n t e r e s t i n y o u r a r e a o f b u s i n e s s t o r e q u e s t a n d r e a d a l o n g e r d o c u m e n t . I f y o u b e l i e v e y o u r b u s i n e s s w o u l d b e n e f i t f r o m t h e c r e d i b i l i t y a w h i t e p a p e r m i g h t p r o v i d e , y e t y o u ’ r e s h o r t o n c o n t e n t , c o n s i d e r c o n d u c t i n g a b r i e f s u r v e y o n i m p o r t a n t i n d u s t r y i s s u e s , a m o n g y o u r c u s t o m e r s a n d c o l l e a g u e s , t h a t c o u l d f o r m t h e s u b s t a n c e o f a s o l i d r e p o r t . T h e r e a r e n u m e r o u s e l e c t r o n i c s u r v e y o p t i o n s t h a t a r e e a s y a n d i n e x p e n s i v e ( I l i k e w w w . b e e l i n e r s u r v e y s . c o m ) , a n d e v e n b u s y e x e c u t i v e s w i l l p a r t i c i p a t e i n e x c h a n g e f o r a l o o k a t t h e r e s u l t s . M a k e a l i s t o f t i p s , h i n t s o r s e c r e t s . I n s t e a d o f a c o m p l e t e s t o r y o r a n i n - d e p t h a n a l y s i s , y o u c a n c r e a t e a l i s t o f b i t e - s i z e d t i d b i t s , s u c h a s “ S i x S e c r e t s f o r B e t t e r B o o k k e e p i n g , ” o r “ T h e T o p T e n P r a c t i c e s f o r J u s t - I n - T i m e I n v e n t o r y M a n a g e m e n t . ” T h e p r o m i s e o f m a n y i n s i d e r h i n t s h o l d s a n i n h e r e n t a p p e a l a n d i s a n e a s y w a y t o i n s p i r e a n i m p r o m p t u r e s p o n s e , s u c h a s a c l i c k - t h r o u g h f r o m y o u r e - m a i l b l a s t t o y o u r w e b s i t e . T h e “ t i p s ” f o r m a t m a y a l s o b e e a s i e r t o f u l f i l l . S t o r i e s a n d a n a l y s e s r e q u i r e s u b s t a n t i a l a c c e s s t o a t l e a s t o n e o r t w o i n t e r n a l e x p e r t s w h o m a y b e v e r y b u s y . B u t y o u c a n o f t e n c u l l a l i s t o f t i p s f r o m y o u r c o l l e a g u e s w i t h a q u i c k e - m a i l r e q u e s t o r a n i n f o r m a l , c u b i c l e - b y - c u b i c l e s u r v e y . T r a n s f o r m i n g t h e r e q u e s t f o r i n f o r m a t i o n . O k a y , s o w h a t d o y o u d o w h e n y o u ’ r e d e s p e r a t e - - w h e n y o u a i n ’ t g o t n o t h i n g ? N o t i m e t o w r i t e a s t o r y ; n o a n a l y s e s t o r e c y c l e ; n o i n t e r n a l c o o p e r a t i o n f o r c o m p i l i n g a l i s t o f t i p s . F r a n k l y , a l l y o u h a v e t o o f f e r i s “ f u r t h e r i n f o r m a t i o n ” a n d s o m e h o w , y o u ’ r e g o i n g t o h a v e t o r u n w i t h i t . H e r e ’ s w h a t y o u d o : T r a n s f o r m t h e g e n e r a l c a l l f o r a c t i o n i n t o a r e q u e s t f o r s p e c i f i c , m e a n i n g f u l k n o w l e d g e o r i n s i g h t y o u r o r g a n i z a t i o n c a n p r o v i d e . I n s t e a d o f s a y i n g , “ f o r m o r e i n f o r m a t i o n , ” d i r e c t p e o p l e t o s p e c i a l , v a l u a b l e c o n t e n t ( w h i c h w i l l v a r y d e p e n d i n g o n t h e n a t u r e o f y o u r b u s i n e s s ) : F o r e x a m p l e , “ T o l e a r n h o w t o t r i m a s m u c h a s 2 5 % a y e a r f r o m y o u r h e a l t h i n s u r a n c e c o s t s , c a l l . . . ” ; “ C a l l 1 - 8 0 0 - 1 2 3 - 4 5 6 7 t o s e e h o w l e a d i n g c o m m e r c i a l r e a l t o r s a r e s q u e e z i n g m o r e p r o f i t s p e r s q u a r e f o o t . . . ” ; o r “ W i t h j u s t o n e c a l l , w e ’ l l s h o w y o u a t l e a s t t h r e e n e w o p p o r t u n i t i e s f o r g r e a t e r m a r k e t s h a r e i n t h e n e x t f i s c a l y e a r . . . ” W h e t h e r y o u w r i t e a s t o r y , a n a n a l y s i s , a t o p - t e n l i s t - - o r s i m p l y r e c o n f i g u r e y o u r c a l l t o a c t i o n i n t o a p r o m i s e o f m e a n i n g f u l k n o w l e d g e - - y o u c a n a l w a y s f i n d s o m e t h i n g s t r o n g e r t o o f f e r t h a n “ m o r e i n f o r m a t i o n . ” Y o u r p r o s p e c t s w i l l s h o w t h e i r a p p r e c i a t i o n w i t h a g r e a t e r r e s p o n s e r a t e , a n d y o u ’ l l e n j o y a g r e a t e r r e t u r n f o r y o u r m a r k e t i n g e f f o r t s .

Author: Jonathan Kranz

Author Bio:

Jonathan Kranz

Today, I enjoy the confidence of numerous marketing and advertising agencies, but unlike most independent copywriters, my career didn't begin with them. Instead, I had stints as a follow-spot operator in a regional theater, a park ranger on an allegedly haunted island in Boston Harbor, and as a summarizer of documents in large-scale litigations (think: Melville's Bartleby the Scrivener).

After completing my MFA in Creative Writing in 1995 (and publishing a number of short stories in literary journals such as the Missouri Review and the Green Mountains Review), I leap-frogged agency life and jumped into freelancing with both feet. Since then, I've written a huge stack of advertising, direct marketing, and public relations materials for consumer and B2B clients in financial services, banking, insurance, high-tech, healthcare, education, and other industries. I don't enter award shows myself, but my clients have submitted material, with my copy, that has won a number of honors, including the 2004 New England Direct Marketing Association's Awards for Creative Excellence “Best of Show” gold medal.

On the side, I've written columns for local newspapers and have been a guest essayist on National Public Radio's All Things Considered. I've taught writing courses at Harvard University Extension School, Emerson College and Northeastern University, and I'm currently president of the Southern New England Chapter of the Society for Industrial Archeology.

I live in Melrose, Massachusetts with my wife, Eileen; two daughters, Rebecca and Anastasia; and a vast collection of LP records.